I woke up around 3:15 a.m. on Wednesday morning. Sometimes that happens. I just 'poof' wake up. After tossing and turning, I gave up on the sleep and came down into the studio and started to bead.
Before I knew it, this lonely sad-looking tree developed. Not on the left side as I was planning, but the right side. Above Sabre's dog tag. I thought my tree was going to be a sturdy specimen with full, long branches full of trinkets and fun beads. But something made me stop and say "done."
It's hateful looking, not at all what I had envisioned.
It looks chopped off and stunted.
What is going on here?
But I listened to my inner voice and let it rest.
I worked on some knitting and then got myself ready for the day ahead. But I continued to think about why this tree was meant to look like this.
It wasn't until the next morning when I woke up and it hit me. The first thought I had was about my tree. I guess you can call it the A-Ha moment. My bead tree reflected the emotions I was feeling when I created it.
You see, a long friendship had recently ended. One that I thought would have lasted a lifetime - sturdy, strong, always growing - like the tree I thought I was making. And instead the friendship ended. And so my tree is stunted. Hmm. Interesting.
I thought even more about that long friendship and the symbolism of this beaded tree.
And I remembered the story by Shel Silverstein - The Giving Tree.
And I saw the beaded tree differently.
Rather than looking at the tree as not reaching its full growth,
I saw the branches as being cut off.
I saw myself as the tree in the story.
Giving and giving and expecting nothing in return, just happy to be giving.
But unlike the tree in Silverstein's story, I can't give everything to one person. I have to conserve my resources because I have others in my life who need me too.
Over the past few years, this friendship changed and because of a succession of small 'hurts' I was subjected to (unintentionally I've been told) by my friend, I came to the painful decision to part ways.
So which is it?
A stunted tree or a once-full tree whose branches have been given up for a friend?
And the ironic part of my placing the tree above Sabre's tag: this friend was the reason I had rescued Sabre. He was found by her and she couldn't keep him, so he was put in the City Pound. No one had claimed him and he was scheduled to be euthanized. My friend was in agony. She never expected that would be his fate when she took him there. I couldn't let that happen either. So he became my dog. He was the best dog - EVER. I miss him. And I will miss my friend too.
And that my friends, is the magic of beading journaling. I've never experienced this before. I never thought I had it in me.
Thanks for listening.